- Sometimes it's better to finish last and have 99 people cheering for you, than to finish first and have to stand there all alone.
- A liar tells the truth every time he lies.
- When someone pulls out a camera, don't ask them to take a picture of you.
- If you don't think it's funny, don't laugh.
- Control your animals ... and your children!
- Stop quoting people when you don't know what you're talking about.
- Live your funeral every day.